Reflecting on Life

When I look back on my childhood, taking the time to evaluate my life, or maybe I should say the areas that I wrapped my arms around and embraced and those that I didn’t, it brings great joy and in some cases a level of sadness. Turning the clock back to my childhood, growing up on the farm during the 50’s and 60’s with little spare cash, just enough to get by with and sometimes not even that much, I had a good life that taught me more than I ever gave it credit for.

Graduating High School in 1968 while the Viet Nam war was in full swing, seeing many of my friends serving there and returning home not the same person, some in a box, some missing limbs, but mostly changed personalities due to the effects of the war, was a difficult time.

Getting married at age nineteen, building our first house at age twenty, becoming a father at age twenty-one, were huge steps in life for me.

The foundation learned as a youth growing up was never lost, only forgotten for many years. Saddened by so much I had witnessed as a youth and my mid-teenage years in the religious arena, set my life path in motion. Determination set in, a drive to enjoy life, to become financially sound, to take a stand against all that didn’t fit into my version of faith, all began while still in high school.

Working my way up the ranks of my first job, I worked hard. I took on two jobs in those early years trying to earn what I felt was required to be a good provider. Then becoming licensed in the electrical trade and eventually starting our own company my life was very busy. Between work, family and fun, I had my hands full. Then my eyes were opened to the rest of the world when I took a new job in 1986. Being able to travel to many parts of the world, I began to see and feel the effects that war really has. To be close to war, hearing how others dealt with war both old and new, grasping the many religious faiths and beliefs including those that have no belief in God, it kicked in motion my past and the emotions caused me to re-evaluate my understandings of life.

So what does this mean in the grander scheme of things? It shows that from childhood on, our lives and personalities are set in a direction and become altered as we continue to age, grasping new information, learning about others we cross paths with. The real question is; do we allow ourselves the freedom to open our mind and explore what we see and hear? Or do we remain set in our ways determined not to allow change? Do we even recognize that we are closed to anything that may disrupt our desires and beliefs in life?

For me, I spent the time to re-evaluate my past, examine what I had learned and experienced, and to wrap my arms around what I believe this life is all about. I worked hard to eliminate the mental blocks that so often accompanies our attempt to truly understand, disabling any rational outcome. What I found was that I could make a decision for myself, placing my faith in what I had come to understand. While it was influenced by many, it was in the end, my choice, my decision, my beliefs.

So there’s this lingering question

When was the time you slowed down long enough, shoved the distraction aside, threw out the external influences of those that educate with an agenda whether religious or non-religious or educational and dug deep enough that you allowed yourself the freedom to choose where you have placed your faith?

One of the biggest things I learned along this adventure is that it takes faith to believe in life, it takes faith to believe what it is all about. It takes faith to believe in God or to not believe in God. It takes faith to believe in the direction we choose for our lives.

Where is your faith placed?  


Walking the “Middle of the Road”

The CENTER  –  The LEFT  –  The RIGHT

Where should we walk, talk and live?

What happens when one try’s to walk down the middle of the road? Have you ever tried to stay neutral? Do you believe in live and let live, don’t rock the boat, or to each their own? Everyone generally has an opinion, a belief or an understanding on many of todays issues of life, but do you feel that it is sometimes more healthy to keep it to yourself?

What happens when we are forced into a corner and are required to take one side or the other, when we are confronted by something bigger than we are and the center lane of life is taken away? Your desires, understanding or position may be on the right or the left or maybe you consider yourself in the center when it comes to politics, but what about your health or someone else’s health or what about religion? What will we do when we are forced to make a choice?

For some people living today, this question is faced everyday. We could be forced to make a decision based on “how will this impact my life” or “how will this impact my family” or “how will this impact my job”. It could truly be a matter of life or death. Will we go with the majority, side with the ones forcing the decision, enabling a temporary feeling of safeness? Will we tell the questioner what they want to hear even if we don’t believe it? Have you ever thought about what you would do if you were confronted by someone that would do you harm if you didn’t side with them? Would you stand by your beliefs or cave to the pressure?

When we look around the world we see countries and regions that beat, mam, and kill, the men, women and children who stand up for their beliefs. In many countries including mine, this generally does not exist today, but what would we do if it did?

Question: What would you do?

Being prepared, knowing what to do or say is one of life’s challenges. To prepare, one first must acknowledge the need and then step out and ask themselves those critical questions.  

47 – Searching for Answers – Epilog: The Day After

Joe woke up feeling refreshed. Tom was already scurrying around getting ready to leave for Ann’s place. Their wedding date was creeping up on them and the need to finalize everything was taking on a bit of importance before the big day arrived. Sarah picked up her phone after hearing it ring and seeing Joe’s name on the screen. A sweet sounding “good morning” were the words that hit Joe’s ear as Sarah added; and how did you sleep after you got home last night? I slept great, how about you, replied Joe as Sarah could hear him yawning. Sarah caught herself following suite with Joe with a yawn of her own as she forced out; well it took me a little while to settle in but once I fell asleep it was great. I think it was because of the excitement of last night and how everybody reacted to what we told them. I felt really good about it and Carol; well I hope she calls me. I am sure she will Sarah. She was pretty serious last night. I think we told her more than she thought she would hear. So are you ready to head to Denver to see Dr. Bob? When do you think we should leave? Let’s leave early enough, replied Sarah. We’re going to meet him at 2:30, so we need an hour, plus traffic and maybe we could catch lunch on the way. Sounds good, replied an energetic Joe. I’ll pick you up around 11:30. Does that work for you? Yup, I’ll be ready was the reply that sent Joe’s mind reeling as he thought about spending most of the day with Sarah.

As Joe and Sarah sat in Joe car outside of Sarah’s house, they looked at each other with expressions on their faces that told a story that neither had to put into words. What is the meaning of all this? What is the importance of what Dr. Bob wants to tell them? How will they handle the intimacy of their relationship while holding true to their personal commitments to each other and God? How do the experiences of Tom and Ann fit into everything? How is Carol connected and will she and Pete and the rest of the gang be part of God’s plan as it becomes revealed to them? Both Joe and Sarah sat silently looking out the windshield as the wind moved the leaves of the tree in Sarah’s front yard back and forth. A gentle breeze was filtering through Sarah’s window moving gently across towards Joe carrying the soft scent of Sarah’s perfume that Joe had come to love as it made its way past him and return back into the outside air. Joe slid his hand across the seat until it found Sarah’s as they sat silently not wanting to break the beautifully intense feelings that filled the car. Sarah silently unsnapped her seatbelt and slid over towards Joe. Joe raised his arm as Sarah nudged under it. Still not a word was spoke as they embraced each other settling into a passionate kiss. Time finally stood still as Joe and Sarah let their minds stop and allow the silence to once again take over. Only time will allow the story behind Joe and Sarah’s life to unfold. Just what will be the next discoveries on their journey? Will the dreams that brought them together continue to drive their future?

Where Does Faith in Science Stop and Faith in God Begin – It’s a Choice

True story: A man visits his Doctor and after some test he is diagnosed with cancer. Surgery is scheduled and during the surgery the Doctor find that he is full of cancer, much worse that they had anticipated and they can do nothing. They sew him back up and after a short stop in the recovery room, the Doctors give him the results of what they found explaining to him and his family that he has only a short time to live. They tell him to go home and call them if he feels things are progressing or if he has any additional issues but that he should return in one month and they should be able to tell how fast the cancer is spreading and how much time he has left.

The man goes home and together with his family they begin to pray for his health to return.

The man returns one month later and when the Doctors checked him out they look at each other not believing what they are finding. They run more test and finally return to tell the man they cannot find any cancer. They have no explanation. One of the Doctors added; I have seen this happen once before. I cannot explain it. First it is there and then it is gone. The other Doctor added; I know what we saw when we had you opened up. There is just no medical or scientific answer to how this could have happened.

” I know such a man that this happened too. No explanation outside of his prayer asking to be healed. No pills, no drugs, just prayer to God.”

The question is: If we as a human population rely so heavily on Science and stand so firm on the idea that for ever action there is a reaction, that all things can be proven by Science and only after proven will we believe something is true, then what did this just prove? Science tells us he should have died of cancer, but he didn’t. So can Science be wrong at times?

Conclusion: if Science tells us one thing but something else happens then it is a Miracle and yes God exist! However, if one chooses to not believe in the existence of God, that the miracle just happened for what ever reason, then we are still choosing to place our faith in something without a proven explanation. So it does take faith one way or the other.

The follow-up question: how deep have you looked into the possibilities that some of what you have been told may not have real scientific proof behind it? In the doctors case they had the proof that he had cancer and that he would only live a short time. Case after case people died with this type of cancer. But how did it go away? If you dig deep enough you will find other cases where science is defied as something else is the final result.  

Whining and Complaining

Whining and Complaining

Why whine and complain?

Orlando Espinosa

If all you do is whine and complain about life, then that means you have plenty of time on your hands to make changes. Life offers you a limited amount of time to accomplish the things you want out of life, so learn to use your time wisely, instead of spending it whining and complaining.whining and complaing orlando espinosa

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43 – Searching for Answers – Just One More Night

After arriving back at Joe’s place, Ann helped Tom out of the car. I think I may have over did it just a little, commented Tom as he smiled up at Ann. You could tell that the stiffness from the activities of the day had set in. Ann could see by the look on Tom’s face that he needed to get some rest. Leaning close she gave him a kiss and told him she had to head home and that he needed to get some rest. Sarah looked over at Joe as she made her way around the car and putting her arms around him she reached up and gave him a quick kiss. I think Ann is right. You need to get Tom inside and let him rest. A good night’s sleep wouldn’t hurt either of you. Joe walked Sarah to her car, opened her door but not before he wrapped his arms around her telling her how much he loved her. Joe gave Sarah one last goodnight kiss before making his way back to Tom. Ann had just driven out of the parking lot when Joe turned just in time to wave goodnight one last time as Sarah drove onto the street giving a short honk of the horn as she drove away.

Come on Tom let go inside and relax for a while. After a short time of small talk, Joe got out some chips and dip and a couple of cokes. After they both had their fill, Joe told Tom he should feel free to relax, go to bed or just hang out. Tom quickly opted for crawling into bed. I’m really tired and I really want to go to church with Ann tomorrow. Joe smiled as he added; sounds like a good idea. It wasn’t long and Tom was in a deep sleep. At least that is what Joe thought based on all the noise that was coming from the other side of the wall. It sounded like it was going to tumble down for a while. Joe smiled as he envisioned Humpty-Dumpty falling off the shelf that was holding a baseball that was from Joe’s homerun when he played in Little League. Joe tried to relax but with all the excitement of the day and Toms snoring, he was having a hard time falling asleep. Joe rolled over, placed a pillow over his ears and after several attempts to find the sleep he needed, he got back up and went to his chair, leaned back and opened a book he had been reading. After reading a couple chapters he noticed Tom was finally quiet and decided to try the bed again. It wasn’t long and his eyes closed and Joe slid off into a much needed sleep.

Joe felt something hit his foot as he stumbled forward catching his balance at the last second. He quickly looked down but it was so dark he couldn’t see anything. Turning to the right he looked up and he seen a bright light that disappeared just as fast as it appeared. Not being sure what it was, Joe tried to shake the cobwebs out as he shook his head from one side to the other. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he looked around and all he could see were trees. Joes mind was racing as he felt the sense of intrusion all around him. Standing dead still he listened for any sound that might help. After what felt like several minutes he thought he could hear something in the distance coming from his left side. He turned and started to carefully make his way towards the faint sound that was pulling on him. As he got closer he could hear voices. That was when he recognized the large boulder that was perched up the hill a short distance ahead of him. Quickly he moved forward and as he did he could something bright coming from the other side of the hill. As he crested the top of the hill and looked over the edge it was as if it was daylight on one side of the hill and night on the other. Before long he heard his name called; come on down and sit with Joe. Joe seemed to recognize the voice as someone he had heard before which eased his hesitation just a little. Joe carefully made his way down the hill and found a place to sit down behind the rest of the people that were listening to the speaker talk. Joe relaxed as his anxiety settled down. Joe’s mind seemed to be put at ease for some reason and all his fear had disappeared. It was as if being around this guy that was speaking put his mind and thoughts into a relaxed state.

Joe sat quietly listening intently to the speaker trying to understand everything he was explaining. After several questions had been answered, Joe heard a noise coming from his right. He looked over in the direction of the sound and he could see the separation of the lighted area from the dark area which he remembered he had come from. When he had walked into the light the darkness had disappeared. After staring at what looked like a dark wall for a short time, Joe spotted what looked like a glowing red orange flame coming from the ground from beyond the edge of the darkness. It appeared to look something like a bonfire. The flames began to jump from the ground when he noticed that sounds were coming from the same direction that sounded like people were talking. It sure doesn’t sound like a party. They sure don’t sound very happy he told himself. Before long he saw someone walk out of the darkness that looked like she had been up for several days, been playing in the dirt and smelled like something dead. Joe was surprised that the speaker didn’t acknowledge her like he had himself. Finally she spoke up asking; where am I and who are you and who are all these people. Joe sat back trying to grasp what had just happened. That was when he seen several others walk out of the darkness and join the woman. She raised her hand in the air and shouted at the speaker who was still just answering questions for those that were sitting around him. He did not act too concerned about the woman or her friends. Hey you, the woman shouted. Our speaker looked over at her when we heard her repeat her question; can you tell me where I am and who are you? The speaker then turned his attention to the newcomers. Do I know you, replied the speaker in a very calm voice? No, that is why I asked you who you were, replied the girl as she tried to dust off her clothes. If I knew who you were, I would have said you name, she continued with a gruff harsh tone in her voice. Look, I am tired, dirty, and totally at my wits end and need some answers. That was when Joe’s mind kicked in gear and he began to wonder how this man knew his name but not those that just showed up. What made the difference? Why was he so nice to me but totally different to this girl and her friends?

Well mam, why don’t you give me your name and I will look it up and see if I was supposed to know it. My name is Carol. Carol Highland. Well just a minute, let me look in my book where I keep all of the names I know, replied the speaker. I never forget a face, but I will look just the same. Carol looked at him and quickly added; you should know me. I have seen you before and I am sure we have met. Wait, I know I have seen your picture before. It was at the… That was when the speaker looked over at her and said; well I don’t have your name in my book and everyone that knows me is written in this book. Well check again please, replied Carol. You must have made a mistake. I never make mistakes Carol. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. Just when she was about to speak the speaker waved his hand in the air and just like that Carol was gone. Joe could hear her scream for just a couple seconds then it stopped as it faded into the direction of the orange flame. Joe looked back towards the speaker just as he looked over at the remaining people that arrived with Carol. They had a look of terror on their faces as the speaker looked for each of their names in his book and one by one they disappeared just like Carol.

It wasn’t long and the speaker turned his attention back to those that he had been teaching, picking up where he had left off and finished the answer to the question he had not finished. Joe’s concern became overwhelming as his mind continued to work at warp speed trying to grasp what he had just seen. After the speaker had answered a couple more questions which Joe was not listening too, Joe raised his hand. The others just sat quietly as if nothing had just happened, which totally baffled Joe. Yes Joe, replied the teacher as he recognized Joe holding his hand up. Joe looked over at the speaker and said; well it may not be any of my business, but what just happened to all those people? First they show up, and then all of a sudden they are gone. I know they were pretty grungy looking but then their name was not in your book and then they just vanished. Well you see Joe, I know you because you know me and your name is written in my book and it will never be erased. You are my friend forever. And when you…

Joe jumped as he heard the door open. Tom looked at him as he scrambled to his feet. Hey, sorry to wake you but I needed to visit the bathroom. Joe sat back down on the side of his bed, cradled his head in his hands with elbows on his knees as he recalled every event of the dream he had just had. Tom walked back out of the bathroom and could see that Joe was in some other world of thought. Hey, what’s up Joe? You look totally fried my friend. Well I just had another dream and this time I am more confused then before. You want to talk about it, inquired Tom. No, not really, replied Joe. Anyway, you better get some more sleep and I will try to get some myself. I can tell you about it in the morning. Tom just shook his head as he headed back to his bedroom, closed the door and was sleeping within minutes. Joe got up and got a drink of water and then sat on the edge of his bed when he began to think about Sarah. The more he focused on Sarah the more relaxed he became and before long Joe was sleeping sound.


“To be continued”

Change The World

Change The World

We just have to START if we want to see change!

Orlando Espinosa

In order to change the world you have to start by changing who you are! change the world orlando espinosa

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